Secrets in the Battle Frontier
by IntelligentAngel
Summary: May and Drew struggle with their relationship While Drew struggles with himself. But why? What's made him like this? See inside for warnings, and side notes.
1. Chapter 1: Bad Day

Secrets in the Battle Frontier

Author's Note: Okay. Before I go any further, I want to say one thing: OMG!!! This is my first Multi-Chapter fanfiction… Yay! (Um…this is a yay moment, right?) Either way, this is my first, and I'm not quite sure how long it's going to go for. My guess is 12 chapters, but it might be longer or shorter. Now, before I finish my little rant, there are some things I have to get out of the way.

Disclaimer: I do not now, nor will I ever own Pokemon, the songs: Listen to your Heart, Everytime we touch, Bad Boy, Simple and Clean, Sanctuary, It ends tonight, What I've done, Once Upon a broken heart, This is me, We'll be together, **or **Last Christmas.

Pokemon belongs to several people and companies, none of which I can really remember. The songs belong to D.H.T., Cascada, Hikari Utada, The All American Rejects, Linkin Park, The Beu Sisters, Skye Sweetnam, and Ashley Tisdale (In that order, but with multiple songs belonging to some).

I DO, however, own all original characters in this story, including Anna, Hana, Sandy, Lily, Jasmine, Luna, Serena, Jerry, Darien, Emily, and my version of La Rousse City's Nurse Joy. I also own my original songs, and any new versions of parts of the cities, mainly focusing on La Rousse.

No copyright infringement is intended.

Summarizing that: I don't own Pokemon or the (official) songs. They belong to other people and companies, and I do not intend to make any money from mentioning them in my story. I don't intend to insult or copy the original owners of said works.

Warnings: There are several reasons that this story was rated Teen.

The main reasons being suicide, extreme emotion, stories of abuse, a small fantasy, and for a possible kiss.

This story dedicated to: x-Baybee-Sparkz-x, Cinpii, Untouchable26, Yurippe, Inspire-Illuminate, A-Rose-for-me-a-Rose-for-you, Twopaw, ravengal, confessions-of-a-secret-love, and to my fellow newbie contest-shipping writers, such as SweetSoccerMonkey and Flygonrulz. Major credits also go out to and Aquarius Galuxy, whom has inspired me very much!

Okay, that takes care of that… Dang, that was long. Apologies!

Chapter One: Bad Day

_As I stare out at the empty window,_

_I can only hope…_

_My true love has returned,_

_my emotion re-evoked._

_I hope, and I'll try._

_Things will happen_

_and I won't know why. _

_Lots of things are yet to come-_

_Until then, I guess…._

_I'll just have to try to smile again._

"_Drew? Drew? **ANDREW KENTA, WAKE UP!**" _

_AKK! A short thud was heard as the eight year old flew into a sitting position, crashing into the wooden planks above his bed. Groaning gently, he forced himself down the ladder, softly shaking the Budew that was sleeping in the bunk below him, causing a short 'dew-w-w-w-w' as the grass Pokemon stretched its arms out._

"_Yes Mom?" Drew asked as he walked out his bedroom door, into the adjoining hall. "Mom?" He asked again, louder this time. "Mom?" His voice had become smaller; he knew something was wrong._

_He had to try one more time. "Mom?"_

_"She isn't here, you know." A quiet voice echoed throughout the hall, though its tone was weak, as though struggling to remain in existence. Somehow, there was an intense atmosphere, as though something was off- Just enough for some to think of as nothing._

_But for those of us that can pay attention- _

_It's just enough to know that something's wrong. _

"_She left a long time ago. The same way daddy did." The voice was becoming stronger, somehow feeding off Drew's own fear of what it was saying. "You know why they left, Andy."_

_Wait. **Andy?** _

"_It wasn't my fault. And it wasn't yours. At least, that's what I've been told._

_We know the truth, now don't we?" The air surrounding the boy was hard and stiff, as though the sound was surrounding him, tightening, as if to immobilize him._

"_You know what it is Andy. It's all our fault!"_

"Andy? ANDY!!" A sharp voice, surprisingly strong for a whisper, snapped him back into reality.

"What?"

"Come on, snap out of it. It's time for practice." The voice, slightly louder, belonged to Lily Smith. She was pulling her ivory braid higher, holding it in place with a white band. Lily was nothing enormous to look at- tan/brown skin, black hair, jeans, and a purple t-shirt layered with a black vest. The twelve-year-old had managed to force him off his daydreaming position on the window seat in the Pokemon center. Of course, he didn't mind at all- he was just glad that she was there. See, Lily was one of those people- A lot of the time, everyone just thinks that she's too complex to be sane, and just brushes her off as another weird kid. Really, if you knew her long enough, she was an amazing person, with a personality to envy. Keyword: **If**.

She'd not been near Drew in over two years- She'd never called, never traveled with him. Their paths had crossed about a week ago. The contest in Oldale town was in exactly three days now- so they'd resolved to training together, and hoping that they'd finally be able to battle one another again.

It wasn't as though he hadn't missed her, no, it wasn't that at all.

Yet somehow, everything just seemed a little bit off lately- his nightmares were worse, forcing him into half-awake moments, where he'd see something- it was never something good. Lily seemed to have that affect on him lately- but that couldn't be it. Lily was…. Lily. She never hurt anybody- so why would she hurt him?

By the time he'd stopped thinking about what was happening, and why it was, practice had ended.

And, of course, it hadn't ended all that well. Due to his lack of focus, Drew had started to fall behind in his moves, leading him to be totally crushed by Lily. Oh joy. Once he'd reached the Pokemon Center, he'd ended up locking himself in his and Lily's room, not really caring that she wouldn't be able to come in.

_None of this was because of Lily._

He pulled his knees to his chest, his arms locked around them.

His eyes shut tightly as he allowed the familiar chills spread through his skin, allowing the small bumps on his arms to rise, from his elbow to his wrist. The boy exhaled sharply, as he shook, just slightly.

_What is wrong with me?_

_Everything. You can't keep on lying to yourself like this. It isn't right._

_What do you mean? Lying to myself? You were there when I found it.  
You know what I did to her. What I did to my own blood._

_Exactly. Everything is wrong with you. You can't go on like this, Drew.  
You don't deserve any of this- this coordinating journey, Roselia, having Lily with you- you don't deserve it. Why do you try when it's so pointless?_

_I might not deserve this life I have- But everyone else does. They don't need to be shocked, or in pain. I have to keep them happy-  
Keep them away from becoming as lifeless as I deserve to be._

_Fine. If that's the way you feel- you may have a point. But I'm warning you right now- this can't last forever._

_I know. But it'll have to work for now. _

Finally, it stopped. The second voice went dead, and the chills began to dull, weakening as his arms fell to the bed below him, the rest of his body soon following. This was not turning out to be a good day.

Author Note:

Okay. It's not perfect- but I still hope you guys could give me a little advice? Comments? Thoughts? Constructive Criticism?


	2. Chapter 2: Emptiness

Author's Note: Well, Chapter Two is where May is first mentioned. And- gasp- he isn't dreaming this time! LOL. Thanks so much for reading, and for taking the time to review.

All the best! Now, on to the chapter.

Disclaimer: Please refer to chapter one for disclaimer.

Chapter Two: Emptiness

Tap-Tap-Tap. The short raps on the door were Lily's signature, snapping Drew out of his trance. Not really willing to say anything, he opened the door on her fifth knock. Semi-surprised, she drew her hand away from the air, and walked to her bed on the left side of the room. It was then that Drew finally realized how long he'd locked Lily out of the room- Five hours. It was ten o'clock.

Muttering a barley audible "Sorry," he headed for the first floor to pick up his Pokemon.

As the door shut, Lily exhaled her breath. What was up with him lately? He'd been so tense, it was almost as though he was being followed by a Ghastly. She locked the door, pulled herself into a black nightgown, and tightened her plum robe around her waist, sitting on her bed as the entire day played through in her mind. He was rather quiet, most of the time… Something important was on his mind. It _had_ to be something important, most likely something he couldn't understand.

_Oh duh___

Sighing once again, she unlocked the door, preparing for the disaster that was sure to come. In a moment, he came in, seeming to be in a trance again. Oddly enough, he'd put on his sweater backwards. It was like this every night- He'd seem as dull as his nightclothes a plain white t-shirt, a pair of green sweatpants, and a gray sweater. Not loud, not exuberant, not all that perky. Somehow, it got worse everyday.

It wasn't even his clothes, the look of emptiness in his eyes, or the uncomfortable atmosphere that hurt- it was the silence. The feel of his mouth set into a firm line, the short ruffle of cloth as he set himself into bed, and the utter nothingness that the darkness formed became more than her head could stand. _This wasn't right. _

Yet, in a way, the nothingness was peaceful. Somehow, the peacefulness became numbness- dull, melancholy time, with nothing to tell you when it was, and nothing to indicate when to breathe or move. This couldn't go on- She was suffocating.

"Andy?" she whispered, hesitantly checking to see if he was awake.

"Hm?"

"I know why you're so upset. She isn't all that different- Somehow, you can tell that she isn't like anyone you've met. You long to hold her in your arms, just once. To finally feel like you've gotten somewhere, and you're not chasing after a one-sided dream. I'm sorry, but I can tell- you don't just miss her. You miss your family. Dysfunctional and otherwise."

Then it came again, silence, bitter and cold… Until finally:

"That's not it. If it was…" he faltered, his voice dying in the darkness.

_You wouldn't feel so empty._

"It's okay. I know that you're not exactly at the top of the world- but we'll make it. I promise." They both looked into the dim light the moon was now providing through the window. Lily smiled.

"We'll be okay. I know we will."

Author's Note: It was a short chapter, but necessary to keep the plot in order. It seemed like a proper place to cut off, so I did. This, of course, means that you guys are in for a long chapter next time. Thanks for reading.

All the Best,

Angel


	3. Chapter 3: Silence

Author's Note: Okay. Chapter Three- Lily centric, May showing up, and the Boyfriend is coming into play. Yeah- this is going to be interesting.

Chapter Three: Silence.

The next day was rather dull to start off, completely relative. Lily's usual grunt of, "Stupid suckish clock," hitting her watch-alarm's button, and yawning had become as routine as Drew coming in, dressed and ready, right as she was just waking up. It wasn't exactly normal for most people- but then, Lily and Drew weren't normal.

"I've got some shopping to do- you need anything?"

"Pink Pokeblock, white ribbons, water, and black yarn." Lily grunted, still trying to wake up.

"All right. Stay out of trouble."

Lily rolled her eyes, watching Drew walk out.

_He is __so__ overprotective sometimes._

Forcing herself out of bed, she searched around in her clothes, finding her usual purple T-shirt, black denim vest, and jeans. Pinning her hair up in a white ribbon, she looked around- Not that much to do except train. Which was sort of pointless when half of her Pokemon were still sleeping. Sigh.

Pushing her ribbon into a knot, she headed out- time to explore Oldale Town.

* * *

"Ash, come _on_!" May groaned, slumping over as they continued their trek through Oldale. 

"What is it?"

"We've been walking for hours! We need to take a break, The Pokemon Center is right here- besides, our Pokemon need to heal anyways."

"Fine." Just as they'd started in the direction of the Pokemon Center, a sharp _thump_ interrupted them.

"I'm so sorry! That was my fault entirely. Sorry!"

May looked up to see a girl with black hair and medium tan skin, with her bag open, some of its items spilling out. She reached down to help May up, and as soon as she did, she apologized again. "I'm really really-"

"It's okay! You don't have to apologize; I just wasn't watching where I was going… I'm May."

"Lily." The new girl smiled, definitely relieved. Kneeling down, she began collecting the scattered items- a hairbrush, Pokeballs, a wallet, a poke-dex, and a small, white container.

"Um, if it's okay for me to ask, where were you headed?"

Laughing gently, she replied, "Nowhere special. I'm only in Oldale for a week before I have to leave for Rustboro City. Two weeks, if the heat stops the boats."

"Oh!" May exclaimed, "are you a coordinator?"

"The female pride of La Rousse." Lily's smile deepened. "Kidding- I'm not that amazing, but yes."

"Um, if you aren't doing anything, would you like to walk with us around town?" May asked.

After a few arrangements, they set out for the city- and eventually stumbled upon the Contest Hall.

"Oh! My goodness, it's beautiful." May exclaimed, looking upon a building with red-ribbon banners, gold details, and wood-shuttered windows.

Lily exhaled shortly, as though to laugh.

"Yes, it is beautiful… The winner of the 1980 Grand Festival designed after it was held in Oldale. She had quite the eye for color, didn't she?"

"How do you know that?" Max asked, his eyes narrowing a little. Again, Lily smiled.

"Well, I love to read about the past Grand Festival winners- looking at their strategies helps me form my own."

"That's a really smart idea." Brock commented,

"Who was that year's winner?"

"Gabrielle Adams, at age sixteen. She was known for her use of electric and steel Pokemon, forming patterns and effects from lightning. She won in a huge flourish, with silver glitter falling down on the audience, and the judges applauding- She's legendary to Oldale." For a moment, all four of them just stared at her with a blank expression. Finally, Ash managed to say something. "Wow, you know a lot about this."

Lily burst out giggling, her hand over her mouth. "Yes, ten years of research does that to you."

Silence followed, again. "Um, I'm sorry- what did I do?"

* * *

_And why are they so quiet? It's almost numbing._

"…" Lily didn't realize that they were speaking. Telling her that she didn't do anything wrong- that they just weren't used to seeing someone so dedicated to Coordinating.

She didn't realize any of it. Nothing was there- nothing was real… She'd entered a state of bitter, freezing shock. Reality never existed. Nothing ever did. Nothing ever would.

Nothing.

A sharp throb began pounding against the inside of her temples. Her heart beat- her heartbeat and those throbs were in unison. Their pace quickened- faster and faster, until it was nothing but a dim hum, it's volume steadily increasing.

It grew to be so loud that she couldn't even tell the difference between her heartbeat and her mind.

Everything was a blur- so was the face that stood in the center.

She could only see his eyes- Sharp, calculating, green.

* * *

"Lily? Lily?! Lily, are you okay?" May repeated the question several times, waving her hand frantically in front of her eyes. Her glazed-over eyes shut slowly, as her legs collapsed beneath her. 

Silence.


	4. Chapter 4: Ignorant

Author's Note: Okay… Chapter 4! Well, all I can say is that this chapter contains MAJOR hints towards the next parts of the story- so please pay attention! Credits to Aquarius Galuxy, whose advice has definitely been taken into account during this chapter… I'm trying my hardest to improve!

All the best,

Angel

Chapter Four: Ignorant

Frantic.

Frantic- that was the word to describe May and the gang at the moment. She'd begun stuttering out decisions and debates, not really making sense.

"Maybe we should call- No, there's no service here. Perform C- No, she's still breathing… Ash, **what do we do!?**"

"Calm down! She's going to be okay… Is she going to be okay?"

Just as the two had begun arguing over what to do, a short _thump_, and the sound of rummaging stopped them.

"Drew?"

He didn't say anything, just knelt over Lily, and took her pulse through her wrist. After rummaging in his black backpack, he drew out a small roll of bandages. Quickly, he wrapped her hand, still not saying anything. The soft sounds of the fabric moving between her fingers, around her wrist, and over her palm were all that May heard.

Not the people walking around them.

Not her friends trying to ask Drew what was going on.

Not the hum of her pokeball opening, or of Munchlax trying to bug her.

None of it.

All that she could see was the way Drew took the white container from Lily's bag, and set a white pill in her mouth…

She had to try again. Subconsciously pulling at a strand of her hazel hair, she whispered- "Drew?"

He still didn't say anything.

Lily's eyes fluttered open slowly, and May could see Drew breathe out slowly, as though he'd been holding his breath.

Suddenly, Lily flew into a sitting position… Somehow, her presence seemed to set everything back to normality- the way an alarm clock snapped someone out of a dream.

"Drew- Oh my gosh! I didn't- did I…." She trailed off as Drew nodded.

"Are you okay?" Brock asked, holding out a hand to help Lily up.

"Fine." She blinked twice, her eyes dulling a little.

"I'm going to go back to the Pokemon Center."

Offering no explanation, she took Drew's hand, and pulled both of them up. "It was nice walking with you- Please visit me before you leave Oldale."

Her tone seemed practiced- a little bit like a flight attendant's, or an answering machine. Hollow.

* * *

"What just happened?"

May's question didn't get any replies from her friends. Her mind didn't have anything, either. That really didn't make any sense. She'd never seen Drew like that- his eyes were darker…

They seemed cold somehow. Almost as though he'd been defeated.

What was going on?

* * *

"Lily, what happened?"

With no reply, Lily shut the door to their room behind her, locking it. She slowly walked over to her backpack, taking out a locket. She stared at it for a long moment, her eyes clouded with an undefined emotion.

Finally, she dropped it. Lily leaned forward slightly, digging deeper into her bag, until she found an mp3 player.

"I don't know… My mind just went blank, and then… Nothing."

She sat on her bed, leaning against the wall.

…

Drew sighed, stepping over to her, and sitting down.

"You're thinking about him again, aren't you?" Her head was now in her hands, her breath going through her fingers.

"I can't help it… We met in Oldale. I fell for him in Oldale.

Oldale is _our_ spot. What else is supposed to happen? He's in my system… And he isn't leaving me any time soon. What am I supposed to do?" Her voice was slightly muffled, but Drew could already feel her anxiety.

"I don't know. I really don't know…"

Sure, he was ignorant. But ignorance, pure and simple, was her comfort- for the moment, his ignorance was all she had.


	5. Chapter 5: Innocence

Author's Note: Chapter 5! Okay, I'm spending a lot of time on this one- it needs to be really brilliant, grammar-wise and content-wise, as it's going to help you guys understand a little bit of what's going on…  
Of course, please don't expect the entire thing to be revealed right now- The whole story isn't going to be clear for a long time!  
Suspense seems a little evil, I know, but trust me; it'll be worth it! Promise!  
Thank you all so much for reading, and for staying with me- I know I'm very far from perfect! Sorry, sorry, that was bad wording- _Idealistic._  
Perfection is basically non-existent (Please don't ask, or everyone will be stuck in this Author's Note for months!).

All the best,

Angel

Chapter 5: Innocence 

"_Innocence. Hn. It's been so long- yet, I can still feel it emulating from him. Take care of him, Lily. Please. Whatever you do, don't let him lose that- He deserves to stay happy…_"

Lily gasped, flying into a sitting position, her hair coming in long bunches over her shoulders. Blink. Blink.  
Drawing in her breath slowly, she pulled a small bunch back from her eyes…  
This wasn't happening. Not again.  
She exhaled, quietly pressing her lips together. It had been so long- she hadn't heard the voice. It was a hallucination…

… Right?

_**Get a hold of yourself, Lily. She's gone.**_

Lily moved her hand to her neck, grasping her necklace, following the silver chain to where the ends met. Slowly, she moved her thumb over a light gray ring, tracing over miniscule symbols that were engraved into the outside. She gripped her fingers into a tight fist around the ring, her eyelids shutting.

_Why did this have to happen?_

Her grip tightened, as her other hand dug into the blankets behind her.  
Somehow, she could sense it- the air around her was spinning, her heart speeding up. Something was wrong- Something important.  
A vein in her head tensed, before pulsing rapidly. Her eyes snapped open, as the atmosphere weakened slightly. Slowly, it began to fade, leaving a faint imprint within her mind, still not completely disappearing.  
Her grip loosened, and her hand fell to the bed.

Blinking again, she shifted in her bed, finally realizing her environment. Looking down at her watch, she could see the time: One 'o clock. Faintly, she felt the corners of her lips turning up. The gesture used to be one of happiness. Eventually, it had become hollow.  
Lily shifted again, turning to look at the bed across the room.  
With the moonlight illuminating his features, she could see Drew's face clearly. He had the cold, hard exterior of a strong person.

At night, the barriers fell. The truth came out.  
Andrew Kenta- the well-known, world-renowned coordinator was still human. He was a twelve-year-old boy- and he'd had his innocence taken from him when he was only eight. Stolen from him, in a way.  
And here he was.

She sighed weakly, watching him as he fidgeted, his fists forming small lumps within his blanket, rising and falling as they tensed. His expression was one of agony, his lips pressing together hard as his body began to tremble.  
Lily gently set herself into a sitting position, her hands forming tight fists as she watched Drew. She'd feel her body tense as his did-it was worse tonight.

She allowed her blanket to slump and fall to the wood below her as she slowly padded over to Drew's bed. It was definitely worse tonight.  
It was unimaginable, what Lily could see before her. A mental battle was taking place, memory after memory attacking the boy, not letting his common sense take over.  
His face tightened, his entire body now shaking violently.  
He flinched- and all movement ceased.

Lily felt a knot in her chest pull tighter, watching a single tear stream down his face. She could feel it- he wanted someone.  
Who he wanted, and for what reason, she couldn't tell.  
She allowed her hand to linger on his cheek, feeling the smooth texture where the water had run.

* * *

_Innocence._

_It's so simple- yet somehow, so hard, when you look at it from a distance.  
When something happens- Something that makes people think that fate may be evil- innocence will always be lost.  
There is no telltale way to see it- but there are millions of ways that people feel it.  
I wish that Drew could realize that just because something like that happened to him, it doesn't mean that his life is over._

_Innocence was lost when Jasmine Kenta decided to go to the beach that night. _

_Innocence was lost when that blade left its case._

_Innocence was lost in Andrew Kenta that night._

_And I'm not sure if it can ever return.  
_

* * *

Author's Note: Okay... It was a little weird, but what do you guys think?

(No insults, please!)


	6. Chapter 6: Hope

_**Author's Note: Okay. Chapter 6. **_

_**This has been edited again and again and again- I don't know why it was so hard to find the words to describe what happens next… I suppose that the real challenge was finding a way to break that sort of emotion- especially with what I've got planned…**_

_**Sorry that I didn't update sooner- I've been busy. School, homework, editing, grammar, textbooks, and more dull stuff...**_

_**Please don't worry! I promise, you guys won't go more than two weeks maximum without an update if I can help it.**_

_**Okay. So sorry! I must have bored you guys with that note, but I just wanted to let everyone know.**_

_**Right- On a more exciting note, this chapter was inspired by the song: **_

"_**Keep Holding On" by Avril Lavigne. Whenever you see the "" then you can start the song, if you want to listen to it while you read. It marks the start and end of where it sounds best… Thanks!**_

_**(I've turned on Anon reviews, for those of you who haven't registered, or are too tired to log in….)**_

_**Sorry for the long Author's Note!**_

_**All the best to the best fans,**_

_**Angel**_

**Chapter 6: Hope.**

"_Oh my God." _

_Lily's whisper seemed hollow, somehow cold. This wasn't happening. _

_Her breathing became shallow, somewhat desperate, as if she was losing her will to live. Hitting her hands and knees, she kneeled in the sand, her hands digging in as her ebony hair flew behind her in the wind. Her eyes seemed to be pure black, her features forming a serious look. Lily's hands were together, her fingers lacing together as they trembled._

_"Please. Please, don't let this be happening!"_

_She took deep breaths as she turned to see Drew._

_He was standing, his fists tight, slightly trembling. His eyes were what shocked her- they'd turned a shade of cold, laconic moss green._

_She watched his lips press together, as his entire body began to shake. Slowly, his chest expanded as he took a deep breath, coming out in a shudder._

_She reached out for him, trying to take his hand. He turned away._

_Drew was forcing himself not to cry, she could see it from the way his body was hunched over, his arms crossed, each of them holding his opposite elbow. He was slowly sinking, lower and lower, until he hit the sand._

_His left hand formed a fist, hitting the sand repeatedly, his fury becoming clearer as his punches came with more force. Finally, his power dulled, and she could see him mouth something: I need you. Please._

_Again and again he repeated it, until he lost his energy._

_She knew that this wasn't right. This wasn't natural- nothing could ever fix this. No one would even have the courage to try. _

_Slowly, an undefinable emotion came over her, something freezing and numbing, all at the same time. She rose slowly, padding over to Drew. Gently, she set her hand on his shoulder._

"_Let's go home."_

Drew groaned gently, rising into a sitting position as the sunlight filtered through the blinds, feeling something light weighing on his legs.  
Leaning down, he saw Lily draped halfway over his bed; halfway over his legs- he breathed out a little, as if to laugh.  
She was so innocent when she was like this- curled up beside him, her exterior of strength missing, letting her real thoughts come out.

Hearing a weak sound, between a grunt and a cry of pain, he leaned in further, glancing at her more closely…The mixed look of agony and vague numbness tracing her features scared him.  
Lily wasn't the type of person to cry – she was strong.  
Stronger than she knew, stronger than anyone would think a twelve-year-old could be.  
Definitely stronger than him.

He sighed, tucking a strand of her hair behind her ear, as she stirred a little, her hair falling more openly across his legs. She shifted again, turning in his direction, the pain in her expression beginning to dull.  
Gently, he stroked her cheek, so as not to wake her up. Lily never had nightmares- only memories. And at the moment, that was even worse.

Slowly, he got of the bed, making sure that Lily didn't wake up. Cautiously, he lifted her head from his legs, and slipped his other hand beneath her knees, setting her down where he had been laying. Pulling the blankets over her, he began to think of something- something that only Lily could trigger.

* * *

_Hope._

_It's always been so simple for Lily and I- when one of us is depressed, the other does their best to help. I wish it could still be that simple._

_Ever since we were eight, it's become so strange- a co-dependent relationship, in a way… There's no single way to put it._

_We've never had a "perfect" relationship, really, it's constantly changing._

_One moment Lily's a depressed teenager and I'm the semi-annoying parent; the next I'm acting like an immature jerk, and Lily becomes the nagging stepsister. There's no single word that I can think of to describe it._

_Really, we're just us- and all we've been trying to do is give each other what we need… Both of us need someone to rely on._

_We've found that in each other, and that's become something for us to believe in. Something to look forward to._

_In a way, we've finally found what we've never had: Hope._

_Something to hope for. Someone to believe in._

Author's Note: Okay... Not as good as I'd have liked, but still. Thoughts?_  
_


	7. Chapter 7: Together

Author's Note: I'm back

_Author's Note: I'm back!_

_Gah, I wish I could come up with a good excuse for being out so long- being captured by gorillas would do, but the only thing I've been captured by is an overdose of work. Sorry!_

_Thanks for reading,_

_All the best,_

_Angel_

Chapter Seven: Together

The thin, fluent sound of tap water running began to bring Lily out of her dreams in a way that still left her disoriented. However, in her hazy state of mind, she could still tell that Drew was awake.

"Hey sleeping beautifly." Drew chided softly, smiling at her disheveled appearance. Her hair was the visual equivalent of a beaver's dam, split-ended, going out every which way.

"Shut up." Lily groaned, stretching as she forced herself off of the mattress. She slouched her way to the nearest window, throwing it open.

"Urgh, it's too humid." With this declaration, Lily shuffled off to the bathroom, her footsteps pulsing in short thumps as she went across the carpet.

Drew couldn't help grinning to himself as he watched her antics- Lily was somewhat comical this morning. Feeling cheerful, he flipped on the radio, expecting to hear about the coordinators that would be participating in the Oldale contest.

"…_as a result of the awful weather conditions and the accident on route number 241, the contest in Oldale has been officially cancelled. We apologize to all of the coordinators that honored us by appearing here, and are grateful for their time."_

Groaning to himself, Drew let his lips turn down in a sour grimace. Those were three months of training that he would never get back.

Lily re-entered the room, her outfit slightly different that her usual attire- she wore a jean mini-skirt with a black belt, black low-tops, a set of white knee-highs and a lavender t-shirt, along with a scowl that showed she'd heard the news.

"This sucks so ridiculously," she complained, "we took so much time out to practice, too!" Her posture emulated disappointment; her shoulders hunched forward, her head in her hands. She sighed.

"Let's see what we can do- it might be nice to take a break, right?" Drew's tone was persuasive, saturated with false enthusiasm.

"_Right."_

Gripping her poke-dex tightly, May weaved her way through the crowded hallway of her hotel, attempting to find room 427. However, her search was cut short as she spotted the object of her curiosity.

"Drew!" she called out, struggling to wave to him while people were shoving their way around her, only to be grabbed by the elbow and tugged into an unfamiliar room.

"Are you always this pathetically clumsy?" a familiar voice muttered, it's owner smiling playfully.

"Lily! Oh, thank goodness, you scared me for a second." May gasped, smiling warily, reminding herself not to get chatty with Lily after her fainting spell earlier that week.

"She gets that reaction a lot."

May flicked her head to the left, taking in the moss-haired coordinator that was speaking to her.

He was slightly disheveled in his appearance, his locks tousled in such a way that the light in the room practically made him glimmer with painful innocence.

She also noted absentmindedly that he was rubbing the back of his neck as though it were sunburned, pinching it in a feather-light grasp.

_Focus, May, focus. Don't miss what he's saying again. Dream about him rubbing your neck the way he's rubbing his later… Dang it! Stop thinking he's beautiful… Think of James- Ugh. Yeah, that'll do it._

"It's better than the reaction you usually get- a squeal, followed by various cries of endearment." Lily muttered, rolling her eyes.

"Would you stop trying to be clever while I'm trying to help you?" Drew asked, his posture slouching off-balance as he crossed his arms.

"I would, if you'd stop trying to avoid the day with me."

"I already told you- I've got some stuff to work out with the leader of the gym near here."

"No, you're just trying to-"

"Um, guys? I'm still here."

Lily and Drew flinched, snapping out of combat mode long enough to realize that May was still there.

"Sorry- that kind of happens a lot. _Andy_, why don't you explain your idea?"

Grimacing at the use of his nickname in public, Drew tried to explain.

"Lily hasn't been out in a while- I was thinking that she might like to go out for the day with another person- besides me."

"What do you mean, out for the day?" May asked, confused.

"Just a general day out- shopping, lunch, maybe spend some time in the park. Something to get her mind off the contest."

"All of which seems pointless to ask her about when we've done the same things before." Lily pointed out, clearly embarrassed to have her (male) best friend ask for a girl's day.

"The last time we went shopping, you managed to electrocute the cashier, shock five customers, and ignite a fashion display."

"It was one accidental city-wide power outage!" Lily exclaimed, her face flushing an alarming shade of red.

"We're not having this argument again! May, would you like to spend the day with Lily?"

He directed his last statement to her, a pleading undertone in his eyes as they met with hers.

"I'd be glad to spend the day with Lily- we can get to know each other and relax for a little." May replied, smiling.

"_Great._" At Lily's sarcastic remark, Drew merely rolled his eyes and handed her a black backpack that he'd been holding.

"Don't tell me you packed a bag _again_."

"_City-wide power outage?_"

"Fine."

Lily pulled the bag from his hands, giving him a smile that didn't reach her eyes. As she reached out and hugged him, Lily took her time gripping his shoulders tightly- very, _very_ tightly- and shooting him a forced smile.

I made sure, before leaving, to give Drew a look that I'm using all to often lately. You know the one- that look that comes across as pure innocence to the rest of the world but actually means that he's not going to hear the end of this.

Carefully, but in a way that was irritatingly sure of himself, Drew pulled away, shooting me the look that always followed my own- the gaze that said, "_Be safe"._

Letting an absent quarter-smile form across my lips to reassure him, I turned to May.

And so the torture begins.

"What do you think?" May asked, her smile modest as she stepped out of the small dressing booth.

Her hair was up in a ponytail, barely brushing the cotton of the maroon jacket she'd pulled on over a white sundress, her eyes still wary of my opinion as they brushed over my plain form.

"It's very nice- something you'd wear to a dance on the boardwalk."

The saturated enthusiasm in my voice was seamless, as though I actually cared whether or not she'd ever wear the dress.

"Um, well… Did you want to try on something?" This time, her voice- and her eyes- read honest, and a pang of guilt tagged me in the side. What was the harm?

For once, my grin sparked a little as I followed her through the racks, bringing back dresses, skirts, and button-downs that came in so many different variations that they all became blurred until I was closed in the dressing booth.

I turned to my left, staring at my simple attire. I wasn't much different from anyone I'd ever met- in appearance at least.

My hips were built wider, I supposed, and I was almost sure that one of my knees was still knocked in from the time I'd run into a tree as a child.

But, suddenly, something takes over as my real eyes meet their reflection. I see something- something I didn't want to see.

"_Come on, Lily, you know that you're going to look gorgeous. You always do."_

_That voice, that soprano little swagger of a voice, coaxed me out of the dressing room. I was wearing a nice outfit that was just outside of my comfort zone. The t-shirt I had on had been chosen about a week ago at a coordinator's fair, and had my initials blazed across the upper-left chest. The jean-miniskirt/ black belt combo had been his idea. Something about looking more mature without being frumpy, though it made no sense to me at the time. The little remnants I clung to were my knee-highs and low tops. I had to have __**some**__ self-respect._

"_Well?" I asked, suddenly feeling a little too revealed by the short skirt as I faced him in a profile. He smiled this absolutely contented, sugar-glazed smile, and didn't answer as he pulled me tight to his chest, the imprint of his grin sinking into my mind, infecting me._

_The warmth of a smile graced my lips._

The memory stung me, and I couldn't stand to see them- couldn't stand to see the eyes that he'd looked into with such content, such adoration.

Grabbing a pair of heels from below the hangers, I attempted to throw the sole against the mirror- I wanted it to shatter, to break, to leave behind the shards of a human to be thrown out when discovered.

I wanted the pain.

Stopping myself, I turned away, attempting to find a skirt that hit the ground.

_Together._

_There are millions upon millions of facets of being together, even when no people are present. Hearts beating as one- One heart stopping another- people destroying or building each other up- they all mean the same thing._

_People communicating or just being near one another, telling each other how they feel. It's strange, really._

_Regardless of the reasons behind a comment, an interwoven system begins at that moment instantaneously, the way nerves can feel at the moment of contact._

_Depending on our views of the human that spoke, from their credibility to their confidence in what they said to what was actually heard, it all determines whether we take the comment as criticism._

_It's all a web of emotions and logic, either corrupted or correct, that forms the facets of being together._

_That web tangled Andrew's last hope._

_It tangled my last love._

_It tangled the last shard of a family._

_It left behind two children, still straggling in its wake._


	8. Chapter 8: Lies

Chapter 8: Lies

As I stepped out of the dressing booth, eyes to the ground, I felt it. I was losing control. I couldn't be excited, not even fake excited, not for one more second!

_Lilith, do not lose control. Not with a stranger._

That voice lubricates my self-awareness. I can feel every trace of myself struggling, grasping at straws to stay in control of my own thoughts and actions. I was not one to be called Lilith. Not anymore, not ever again.

I am not Lilith.

I am not immortal.

I am not going to give in to her lies.

Get **out **of my head! I refuse to allow myself to be controlled by lies. There is strength within me somewhere- I'll channel it for all I have if it kills me.

I am not another toy to be controlled, not a child to be disciplined.

I am my own person.

* * *

It took a long time before Lily could come out of the dressing room, so long that May nearly came in to ask. However, right as she stood up, Lily came out.

Her dark hair framed her face in ringlets, brushing the back of her white tee. Black denim overshadowed short red heels, every aspect of the simple attire contrasting the chaos Lily felt inside. In spite of herself, Lily managed to look up and smile, feeling the falsity pressing out of the edges.

"It's cute," May began, her forehead crinkling a little in concentration, "but it doesn't match your aura, you know? I think we need to give you something more elegant." She then proceeded to go into the dressing room, coming out with several items Lily had missed in the rather large lump of clothing items. Lily shrugged, maintaining the forced smile, dragging the new items into the booth.

As Lily went in, May exhaled. Man was that girl tense! Anyone within a ten foot radius could feel the restrained emotion rolling off her in waves. Honestly, she'd felt restrained emotions before- every time Drew so much as looked in her general direction, for example- but it had never created such a tension in the air.

_What on earth could be wrong with Lily?_

May couldn't help but wonder what was buried in Lily's heart. She was beautiful and strong, sure, but so was Drew and even he admitted to having problems. Lily was closed- not with a large, obvious padlock that made everyone know that she wanted to be opened. No, she was not that simple. If anything, Lily was sealed from the inside out with a chain lock. You either had to know her well enough to get her to open up, or you had to be small enough to fit through the crevice. If her assumptions were right, then she'd never come across anyone that small.

Just as her train of thought pulled about to what she could do about the restrained feelings, Lily came out. She resumed her awkward position, her arms locked behind her, one foot in front of the other. Small, soundless black heels gave Lily's appearance a more mature affect, her small violet gown swaying where it met the end of her knees. The upper half of the dress was partially covered by a black jacket with one button done at the top, allowing the dress to be shielded from looking too young.

Distracted, May grinned, managing a simple, "That is definitely it!" before skittering off to grab the things she wanted to purchase so that they could leave. Lily sighed, leaning against the front of the change room, her head in her hands. That girl would soon give her a migraine!

At the very least, Lily told herself, lunch would allow her to recharge. She could deal with Drew's little Pichu of a girlfriend for another hour, at best. _Besides,_ Lily told herself, _Drew probably needs a break from my whining._

* * *

I cannot believe this.

The one day this week I'm away from Lily, I can't stop worrying about her. It's not even that she's not with me; it's that I know for a fact that she's in pain right now. What was I thinking? May is so freakin' perky, I know for a fact that Lily just may die of exhaustion. I was stupid to let her go off with someone she barely knows, so, **so** stupid! What if she has another fainting spell, huh? What then? May doesn't know how to give an injection or even how to get Lily to drink water so she could swallow her pills. This is dangerous, really dangerous.

_Calm down, Drew. She's been on her journey for a whole year without you, and she's managed just fine. She will be just fine._

I know. I know, I just- I just can't stop worrying about her. It's always been this way, whenever she comes close enough for me to remember all the things that can go wrong. But then, I also need to consider another thing. May.

Oh, Gosh. _May._ I can't believe that I'm choosing someone over her- honestly, all the feelings I've had for her- the longing to be near her, the long confession of my love for her to Solidad- are they all gone?

No. No, they aren't gone. I can still feel the urge to smile when she's near me, I can't ever lose that. She's been too good to me for me, and I can't ever repay that. She's been better to me than I ever deserve, and I cannot be stupid enough to deny myself that I feel something for her. The question is whether those feelings override years of friendship, and I know the answer.

This sucks.

* * *

Drew proceeded to sigh before pushing himself up off the bench of the poke center's waiting room where he'd been sitting, lost in thought, for the past hour. He managed to smile weakly before pushing himself up. There was no use watching several people come in with sick Pokémon if he couldn't help.

He began walking out, and as he did he got the strangest feeling that he wasn't alone. But, then, he'd been getting a lot of weird feelings lately. It was probably nothing.

* * *

_He's stealthier than I gave him credit for,_ the girl thought, her violet eyes flitting from place to place in search of her target. Ah, there he was. Creeping along through the streets of Oldale, his hands in his pockets, was Drew.

_Wow, it's been nine years since I last saw him. I can't even believe how much he's changed… There's something about him that's different- something brighter. Drew's going to be so excited to see me! If he's so happy now, I can only imagine how fantastic he'll feel once I've gotten back into his life…_

_I wonder how well he remembers me._

**Author's Note**

Well, there it is. I know, I know, the semi-cliffhanger stinks, but I had to bring in the new character some time. I figured by at least bringing in her thoughts you'd get a glimpse of what's soon to come.

Before anyone asks, let me ease your sorry mind: the new girl is not another Lily or a new girlfriend or a stalker/obsessive fan girl. This will make a lot more sense later on. Anyhow, I 'm glad to say that I'm back on and ready to keep on writing. Be well warned that I may not update often, but when I do it'll be worth it. If you're a fan of my Winx story, the draft for the next chapter is in progress and should be completed soon.

If you're waiting on Heartbreak Musical's next chapter, be prepared for a long wait. It's not officially on hiatus, but I won't be updating it for a while… I will complete it, though, so please don't worry!

All the best,

Angel


	9. Chapter 9:History

Chapter 9: History

I can just picture him right now- intelligent green eyes scanning the pages of a textbook, reading faster than any teenage male has a right to. Shaggy black hair is nearly brushing the page, he's leaned so close, completely absorbed in what he is reading. A pen is in his hand; he could never stand pencils, darting across the pages of a black spiral, not needing to look up for so much as one second. Suddenly, he pauses. Eyes clear as night look up, inch by inch.

"Lily?"

* * *

"Um, Lily? You okay?" May interrupts my fantasy, her voice blending into that of my dream. She's staring at me now, trying to figure out if I'm okay or not, if I had to guess. Her eyes are completely focused on my hands for some reason- I look down, only to realize that I've pressed them into fists. I uncurl them slowly, one finger at a time.

"I'm fine." Physically, I'm fine. Mentally? At this point, I'm not so sure. I turned my gaze across the street to the gym, wondering if Drew was bluffing. No, that was a stupid thought- Drew couldn't lie under pressure. Wait a second- oh, crap. Gym leader? Meeting? Important?

Those three words can only mean one oh-so dreaded thing.

Solidad.

Ugh, I cannot believe that I didn't realize this sooner! This was going to be a disaster. Solidad was a perfectly nice girl the last time I met her. Okay, so maybe I didn't actually _meet_ her. I watched her and Drew from a distance. Oh, great, that sounds so strange out loud- even if it is in my head. I was about two tables away from them at the last grand festival. The knockout drunk at the one table between us was completely silent, so all I had to do was tilt my head down and eat my supper to understand what their relationship was.

Drew trusted Solidad- he trusted her entirely, and he was willing to open up to her completely if she so much as asked. The entire conversation last time had revolved around May, nerves over the contest, and why so few older contestants had entered. The trust he had wasn't revealed in some large show of tears- it was exposed in how he thought about every answer. When she asked him if he liked May, he didn't say yes or no immediately. He tilted his head down, rested them on interlaced fingers.

"I care about her." Four simple, idiotic words had been all it took to make me want to grab my fork and stab him in the shoulder. He cared about her!

He's supposed to care about me. He's always cared about me, cared about me as well as I did him. How could he say that- how could he compromise every moment, every sacrifice, everything that we'd ever done together? Did I really mean that little to him?

Even now, my skin burns with jealously. **I** was Drew's girl. I'm the one who looks after him, who made sure he didn't forget to wear elbow pads when some idiot talks him into an extreme contest training he'll completely suck at; I'm the one who makes sure that he doesn't die in the aftermath of whatever crash he's gotten into. Drew was mine- always mine.

He was supposed to love me.

He was supposed to be there when I failed at my first seven contests, tell me that everything would be okay if I wasn't perfect. I can't believe just how much of my heart he's already taken away, just in that one moment. In four simple, stupid, silent words, my entire world has had a hemisphere torn away, leaving it exposed at the core, still visible even now, as I pick at the pizza on my plate.

"You're thinking about someone."

It's not a question, just a fact that's now out in the open. May's turned her face down to her salad, where she's speared a leaf and started to eat. I guess I must have been really obvious today- she didn't even bother to beat around the bush. She wanted to know what was going on- for some reason, I can feel a bond. She knows that I don't trust people. Somehow, she understands. Anything I tell her won't leave this table.

"Two 'someone's, actually." I corrected her timidly, not even mustering my fake smile to reassure her. She wants the truth, she's going to get it.

"One somebody I don't know, one that I do."

"Correct." My hands go to my lap, and I stare at them for a moment. Can I trust her?

I have to. While meeting Drew again took away the pain of seeing him and Solidad, it doesn't erase the hole in my heart, doesn't fill it up a single centimeter. Remembering now, all it does is tear it further and further apart, slowly creating a void in myself that I know I'll never cross.

I have to get over this. "A lot of this starts where I grew up. Most of it starts after…" I falter, feeling a hand clamp over my beaten heart, pulling, making a vortex that tries to pull me in, make me stop revealing the truth, from exposing the chaos inside. It's trying to stop me from doing something that may well have killed me seven years ago, stop me from breaking the glass box I've been suffocated by since the day I was orphaned seven years ago. Trying to control me.

No.

I want to scream, but I don't- I keep my voice as flat and emotionless as I can, trying to not give the vortex a single opportunity to control me. "Most of it starts after I was orphaned, seven years ago, by an arsonist's fire."

Bitter remorse starts to seep into my voice, trying to repress the images I had- the flashes of red and the scorch of heat as it burned me, me and only me, as it had already silenced the world I had known as a child. I can't stop talking, though, not until it's out.

"I was six, so I didn't know what it was. I just knew that I needed to get away. So, I did the one thing I knew how to do at the time- I ran. Neighbors were about a mile away, but they called the fire department the moment I got in their door. I was sent to the La Rousse Orphan Sanctuary- the LROS. That's where my story really begins, I guess."

"When I first got there, I met Drew. I was under the impression that he was being left there while his family- whatever family he had, anyways- was sorting out some legal trouble. So, I went up to him and he gave me a tour of the place. It really is lovely, nothing like you'd expect an orphanage to be like. It's basically a huge hospital, only without the linoleum, nurses, or medical equipment. Sounds weird, I know, but it really was laid out that way- it was decorated pretty normal, though, with wood floors and everything. Drew was the first friend I made there."

May was holding eye contact with me, not wanting to miss a single phrase. Her elbow is in her ranch dressing, but I'm not sure she noticed- if she does, she doesn't care. I think she's honestly interested in my life story… My history.

It feels nice to know someone cares.

"From there, I met other kids in the orphanage. Some of them had parents, some of them didn't- I don't want to go into that because it isn't the point. In LROS, no one really cared how you got there. They just cared that you were willing to get on with your life. So, I did."

"Drew and I started contest training when we were eight. We'd always hang around the other kids- the Orphanage was a home. We belonged there- to be honest, I still think we do. No one cared how you looked or if you were in because your parents happened to be bank-robbing drunks. All that mattered was that you were there- that you wanted to be a part of the world outside your past. That was where Drew and I became friends- he never judged me, he never even really looked at me as some lonely little orphan the way people in that town did when I first came. To him, I was just Lily- a great training partner, a listening ear, a friend. Maybe even a best friend. I don't know why but… Sometimes I just wish the world could narrow back into those moments. That I could just sink into my old life and never have to leave."

My voice had been quiet the whole time, but May doesn't mind. It's getting dark now, and she still has ranch dressing on her elbow. By this point her hair is a mess, and I know we aren't going to get to a movie in time- even if we could, we wouldn't. We both understand just how important this is.

"Do you love him?"

"…" My eyes close, and I lean back against my chair. The vortex is inverting, and I'm trying to understand how to funnel out what I'm feeling without screaming at her. The source of all my pain- the girl Drew 'cares' about.

Somewhere inside of me, I know that isn't true. May didn't ask Drew to fall for her- even if she liked him, she didn't try to take my title. She can't know what her presence in Drew's life is doing to his relationship with me. The feelings of ignorance temper the pain, if only for the moment.

"I…"

At this point she's tilting her head, seeing just how drastically this is affecting me. Maybe she's felt this way too, at some point. Having a crush on someone like Drew would do that to a girl like her- probably not as drastically, but it would be difficult just the same.

"What do you want to say to him?"

"I… I'm angry at him. I'm angry and upset and tormented. He's never understood, never could understand what he puts me through when I so much as look at him."

"Talk to him. Don't talk to me, I'm not even here. You're in a room at the Pokemon center, alone, and you have all the time in the universe. Time doesn't exist- all that matters is how you feel." May spoke in a low, flat voice. For some reason, I follow her direction. It all becomes real, all the fury built up inside bubbles to the surface, seething where my fingers curl in against my palms. I'm looking at the person that hurt me so much- the person that suddenly seems to flicker between Andy, _my_ Andy, and the one that I want to scream at.

"You hurt me, Andy. You hurt me, okay? You hurt me more than I've ever felt, more than before I came to the orphanage. This is worse, so much worse."

_What…What could be worse, Lily? How could anything I've done or said be worse than losing everything in a fire?_ He tilts his head to the side, questioning, and I know that he has no earthly idea of why I'm so upset. He's tentative- afraid that I'll cry.

"I don't know why, okay? When you talked Solidad, I heard. I was there. I'm supposed to be able to talk to you about anything- I always have, even if it would've been awkward with anyone else. Heck, even when Brandon died, all that I cared about was you. All I ever cared about was you and me and our friendship. Contests were always my talent, they always have been, but they never made me feel anything that lasts. I would feel great for the moment, and then crash. I'd be proud, and sometimes when I see them I still am, but I know that they would be hollow without you. It's all hollow without you."

The last words burst out, and I fight the burning in my throat that threatens to make me cry. The illusion is shattered, and suddenly I realize that I'm not here anymore- I'm not anywhere anymore. All that I can see is shattered glass. Remnants of things that used to be, fragments of a history I know I can't ever relive.

It's all gone now.

I'm alone.

* * *

I freeze for a moment, and I realize just how much Lily's hidden inside of her. How often she's wanted to do what she had just done, to be able to rid herself of the pain that rests inside of her. Lily wanted to tell Drew so much- volumes of things she couldn't have told him in the orphanage. She's not in love with him in the romantic sense. Not anymore, not after all of this. She's so used to being in love with him, though, that little fragment of who she used to be is there.

She's clung to that, that one spot of real, true acceptance in her life had been what kept her going. That had been her fuel. When Drew said whatever he had, she'd lost that. That one light, that one fragment of hope she'd had was crushed.

How long has she been holding all of that inside of her? How long has she held herself back, knowing that every time she did it was feeding that darkness inside of her, pushing herself further and further towards a cliff that she couldn't stay away from?

I can't imagine how she's felt.

Before I can do anything, say anything, Lily's eyes shut. Shoulders fold forward; she slumps over, her head in her lap. I can see her back rise, just a little, as a shallow breath goes into her lungs.

_Ring. Ring. Ring._

"Excuse me for a second, please." I apologized to the older gentleman I was giving directions to. I turned away and flipped open my small Motorola.

"Drew?"

"Yes?"

"We have an emergency."

_History._

_Someone's past is what makes them who they are. People have made mistakes before- heaven knows that I've had my share of them. When someone else's mistakes overshadow your past, it may seem like you need to hide it. Really, that's never going to change anything._

_Whatever has happened has happened. There is not anything we can do that will change that moment. What we can do is remember what we've learned, what we need to do to stop the past from repeating itself._

_We need to improve ourselves so that we don't hurt others._

_Even if those others still choose to hurt us._

Author's Note:

The update is the longest I've written in a long time- exactly 2500 words. I wanted to give May a little more depth. If it seems to OOC (out of character) I apologize. This just sort of came to me, and the edititing is going to be extremely weird, but I know that this is going to lead to something great. The new girl from last chapter will have some more detail next chapter.

Honestly, I'm not sure exactly what inspired this- all I know is that I wanted to write this… It's perception is in the eyes of the reader.

All the best,

Angel

(P.S. Once again, I apologize for the lack of obvious CS in here. The relationship will progress, but I can't really express it until I can leave May and Drew in a room together for more than a few minutes alone.

I've had no trouble writing Lily's POV because she's easily scripted. She's been through a lot and keeps it all in, but she tries to not be so upsetting to everyone. Drew and May don't have as much history, in my mind, because I only caught them together in moments throughout the series. I need to make some history for them before I can start in on how they fell for one another.)

Another note- this may get confusing later on, but May, Drew, Lily, and Ash are all 13. Brock is twenty something, and Max is 11.


	10. Chapter 10: Pain

Chapter 10: Pain

My world is a jumbled mess.

Everything that happened just this week has drained me, but nothing could compare to what emotions raced through me when I heard May call my phone.

"What happened? Are you okay?"

"I'm fine, but Lily's not doing well. She's slumped over, she's breathing shallowly, her skin is clammy- I don't know what to do. The hospital is so far away, and ambulances take so long and-"May's voice is tinged with panic, honest worry for Lily's well being. She seems to know that there is nothing that would hurt Lily more than having to be picked up on a stretcher, the way they would the dead and wounded.

"Take a breath. Does she have her bag with her?" I could hear the sound of May's footsteps as she paced about wherever she was, looking for it. Tension gripped me as I fought to keep myself focused. Lily needed me right now- I can't let her down.

"Yes, yes, thank goodness, yes." Her words are rushed out like water from a faucet, quick and constant.

"Look in the bottom of the bag, beneath the white journal with the Mp3 player attached. There should be a white pill bottle, the one without any writing on it."

I couldn't help but go into a coaching tone. It was the only way to keep my voice from breaking. I can't do anything about it, I am worried. As much as I know not to show it, I'm worried. There's so much that can go wrong when I'm not with Lily. I know that. I know it, but I can't lock her in a cage and take her with me wherever I go. She'd never be happy that way, and that was just as awful.

"Okay, I've found it. Lily's not conscious, though, so how do I get her to swallow?"

I went on to tell May the proper procedure- it was a little complicated, but before the end of my explanation, May gasped.

"She's- she's awake! She's not all here, I think she's really drowsy- she's awake, though… There. Lily just managed to swallow. What should I do now?"

"Bring her back to the poke-center. She should be fine, but I don't know what else may have happened to trigger her episode. Lily will need more help than we can give her if it's serious enough."

"Drew? That's the thing. We're out at the Sidewalk Café about a half hour from the movie theater. The two of us have been walking all day… I can carry her for about ten minutes- that should get us to the theatre. From there, though, there are a lot of street crossings, not all walking paths like where we are now. I don't want to risk hurting her."

I ground my teeth; let my eyes shut for a moment. This wasn't good. I didn't have a car; Lily wouldn't be safe anywhere near an ambulance. They'd do what so many others did- they'd take one look at the chemical levels in Lily's bloodstream and ask permission to declare her dead on arrival. It wasn't her fault that she was so sick- it wasn't her fault that the fainting spells sent out so much adrenaline.

Suddenly, I felt like a kid again. I was walking with the Social Security worker that had been assigned to take me to LROS, in the middle of downtown traffic. She was moving too fast; I was disoriented. I couldn't keep up with her; I kept on falling down every time I went fast enough to see her. I can remember just how much I wanted for her to slow down, just how much I wanted to scream at her. Something kept me from doing that, though, so I just ran. I ran and ran and ran, barely able to make it to our destination. Even then, I'd felt completely hopeless, like this place was just going to be a halfway mark, that I'd keep on running and running until I died. I was afraid. For only the second time in my whole life, I remember, I felt desperate and afraid.

A tap on my shoulder brought me out of my reverie.

"You need a ride?" Solidad smiled a little modestly, making sure that I could hear her. I barely managed to nod, a mix of worry and relief taking over.

"May? Stay outside; make sure Lily doesn't go anywhere. I'll be there in about ten minutes."

The ride to the Sidewalk Café is awkward and silent. Solidad wants to reassure me, but she knows that all it would do is make it all that much worse, scare me that much more. Finally, when we reach the one road into the outskirts of Oldale, she manages to say something.

"This is not your fault."

I can't help but smile bitterly at that stupid, stupid phrase. 'Not my fault'? There's not a single way on earth that this couldn't be. I've been so stupid all these years, from the first moment I met Lily. She's always been there for me, and I can't help but notice just how much I haven't been there for her. I was there for her when her boyfriend wasn't, sure. I beat the idiot who gave her a broken arm during a practice battle until he had two of his own, and I took Lily to the emergency room when all the adults focused on him. I've tried my best- honestly I have, but the blunt truth is that since we separated on our journeys three years ago, things haven't ever been the same.

When I'd met May, I was so uncaring. Since I'd recovered from my loss against Solidad, I'd become arrogant. I would train my Pokémon to the best of my ability, but I would not every try to hurt them… I wouldn't ever be against them hurting me, though. I knew that I deserved it.

A few years ago, during my second Grand Festival, I remember sitting in a bunk in my hotel room, staring up at the ceiling. I'd been lying there for about an hour, fully dressed, staring up at the dark ceiling. Things weren't so wrong at first. Things just floated about my head- what I'd had for lunch that day, how much I wanted to win the Grand Festival. How much LROS could benefit from the prize money. I didn't want LROS to enter my mind, not when I was so far from home. I couldn't help it, though, and I sure as anything couldn't help myself from thinking about all the people I left behind.

_You abandoned Lily. You abandoned me. You abandoned your home, your past, your entire life._

No. No, I didn't abandon them, I could never-

_Don't screw around with me, you idiot. We both know just how many people you've left behind. I know much you hurt, Andy. I know just how badly you want to go back home. Go. Go away from this, stop kidding yourself- we both know you'll never make it._

No. No, I won't give up. My dreams are worth something- everything- they're so much more to me than what you're trying to talk me into. I will not give up.

_Are those dreams worth this?_

All of a sudden, I can't stop my mind from being flooded with images. A little girl with large violet eyes, long black hair, staring up at me from her favorite story. That same little girl rushing up to me, throwing her arms about my shoulders, crying with joy. _Andy! Andy, Andy, Andy, Andy! You're home!_

A boy two, maybe three years older hangs back, a shag of brown hair hiding his eyes. He's leaning against a wall, his pose unforgiving. A girl the same age with the same features stands beside him, tugging on his arm. _Please, Steven, let the past remain in the past. I want to see Drew again. I want to see my friend again… _

_No. This isn't so easily forgiven. You know that as well as I do._

_This __**isn't**__ your stupid decision, you punk! Don't you get it? He needs us right now. He needs you as much as he needs me, he needs-_

_**He doesn't need us!**__ Don't you get it, he left! He left us here, left his home._

_Who are you to decide what he needs?_ She whispers softly, finally slowing the rapid fire conversation that only they ever could have and understand. She looks up, and suddenly I see through his eyes. She's shuddering, her eyes flickering from him to where I still stand, embracing the little girl, emotions that she needs to express building up more and more inside of her.

Suddenly, it's all gone. I'm in a dark room, so long ago, sitting on a small single bed with a violet quilt. Sunlight streams through a small window, making shadows pool around the legs of what little furniture is in the little room. A small wooden crate is across from the bed, a notebook laptop that took weeks to pay for lying on top of it. The only other furniture in the room is a small rug that was knit by a former resident, the bookshelves full to bursting on the middle of the other wall, and the rocking chair adjacent to where I'm sitting. If I reached under the bed, I'd be able to pull out a basket holding all that the current resident really cared about: a necklace with only a ring for a charm, a composition notebook, and an Mp3 player full of more pictures than music.

The door slams open.

_Andy? D-Drew? They said he's going to. They said he- he wouldn't, he wouldn't… _Lily's stuttering, her compact 10-year-old body folding into a ball lying against the bed, convulsing with devastation. Her hair is sticking up in every direction you can think of from sleeping in different positions in a hospital waiting room. Tears ran through what little make-up she'd worn that day, would never wear again, leaving trails of salt water staining her face in blotches. Her jeans have a tear in each knee, one converse is nearly covered in mud, and she doesn't seem to notice or care about any of it.

I sink down next to her, try to put my arms around her the way I did so long ago. I can't move; I can't speak. All I can do is sit there, frozen in a place I know I may never get out of, watching Lily sob, letting out what can only be described as a cry of anguish as her world crumbles.

I can't stand it anymore. I started, jumped out of bed, making sure not to wake Roselia, resting on a cushion beside my bed. I grabbed Absol's Pokéball and rushed out into the hallway out the nearest exit. I don't care where I'm going, I just want to be as far away from everyone and everything as I can.

Finally, I reached an empty training field. No one is out there, it's way too late for anyone sane to be training. My hand trembles as I try to find my voice and let Absol out. I can't move, though, as I remember the day May came rushing up to me as I'd trained him before, afraid of how severe I was.

_Drew!_

"Drew?" Solidad's voice snaps me back to where I really am at the moment. May is waving her hand, palm up, so quickly that it's blurring. I opened the door to Solidad's jeep, rushed out to where May was standing.

"She's been in and out of consciousness since I called." I took Lily over one arm, carried her to the car. As I settled her into the back seat and took a spot next to her, May came just as quickly, hazel hair in a flurry behind her as she hurries to get in. Solidad soon follows, starts the car, and soon enough we're on the way to the Pokémon center.

"Lily is going to be fine." Those first words out of Nurse Joy's mouth are the sweetest I have ever heard. Some thing warm courses through me, allowing me to calm down for the first time in the entire week.

"She's going to have to stay overnight for observation, but I can assure you she'll be up and about in a month or so. She won't be able to walk around a lot between now and then, though. Her fainting spell messed up her balance- I'd rather she only move as much as she has to. No contests, no strenuous activity. Even after she has her balance back, I'd suggest one of you keep with her. It really isn't safe for her to travel on her own with the condition she has."

No one said anything. Nurse Joy smiled awkwardly, turned away, and began walking down the corridor. May turns to me, probably trying to say how sorry she was for everything that happened.

Really. That's going to help make her better, won't it? Because apologies have done Lily and I so many favors.

Please.

Drew turned away, shouldered Lily's backpack. He started walking toward her room, his footsteps echoing in my ears. I want to follow him, listen to him talk to Lily. I want to comfort him- I want to make Drew feel better. As much as he won't admit it, I know that he's found some way to blame himself for this. Lily wouldn't want that, I know. But I also know that whatever Lily heard, true or otherwise, hasn't effected how Drew feels for her. True and undying as a sibling's love, he would never leave her. I can't help wanting to make him feel better- Drew deserves that. As arrogant as he acts, he has a lot of pain inside of him, and he needs something to temper it, make it not seem like the most major part of his life.

I want to be that part of his life- the person he thinks about before he goes to bed, the person he wakes up wanting to see after he's had a nightmare or just because he doesn't want to be alone. Lily's always going to be part of his life, but I want to play a part, too. I just want him to acknowledge that I'm there. That I'm something to him.

Just as I'm about to go after him, I feel a hand on my shoulder. I turn my head up to see Solidad, completely exhausted. She manages to smile, if only a little.

"Don't. Not yet. Let him talk to Lily for a few minutes; make sure that she's alright. If he hasn't seen for himself that she's alright, that's all that he'll think about for the rest of the night."

"But… He's so sad. He needs someone to help him, doesn't he?" I can't help but let the question slip.

"He needs someone to help him, yes. But if you stand in the way of him and the other people he cares for, you might never get to be that someone. Trust me when I say that person is someone like you." She nodded slowly, patted my shoulder. She looks at me for a long moment, and I can feel her gaze telling me what she doesn't need to say out loud.

_Take care of him._

_Author's Note:_

Well, there's a nice surprise. A double update. I didn't know I had it in me… Oh, well. I actually think I may progress this fanfic soon- and May and Drew will have some time together next chapter, so don't freak. This is CS, rest assured. The entire thing of Lily flipping out is more a matter of taking the reader deeper in their world, not of her falling for Drew again. This may seem complicated, but I figured that sharing Lily's story would at least help shed some light on things. Sort of- if you try to draw some things from Drew's thoughts, you may find out some of the things that I'm planning for later out right now. It all depends, I guess.

Reviews would be massively appreciated- As is constructive criticism.

All the best,

Angel


	11. Chapter 11: Goodbye

Chapter 11: Goodbyes

I'm relieved.

For the first time in so many years, I can feel the sense of desperation leaving, of enjoying that I'm still alive. It's hard to believe just how much tension was built up inside of me- that, and how easily it all seemed to make it not matter once I found out that Lily would be okay.

How had I been able to restrain myself from worrying for so long? Lily was, as much as we both hated to admit it, sick. She wasn't born with any type of disease, at least not one that could be labeled. The doctors in LROS had told me that her body was very weak- her immune system could barely fight off anything more than the common cold. Another thing that they'd told me was really confusing- she was born with what appeared to be constant radiation poisoning. When I'd asked what they meant, one of them said that she must've had an unsuccessful surgery or something to that effect- the chemicals had caused her weakened immune system and sent the chemical levels in her brain off the charts. In their eyes, they had said, she was a living miracle. She would be prone to fainting spells triggered by specific things- they'd most likely be identified later- and that might really hurt her in the long run. She'd build up immunity to the fainting over time eventually; she might lead a perfectly normal life.

A 'normal life'? How could anyone live a normal life when, at any time, they could be left completely defenseless? For that matter, how the heck could she have been born with radiation poisoning if she's been born without surgery?

It didn't make sense, but I'd had faith in them. A child's faith. As little sense as it makes, even now, I don't bother questioning it. There's no way that I can fix any of it, I'm not a doctor… I am her best friend, though. A lousy best friend, but still one. What had set her off?

It scared me to know that something had set her off in such a casual situation. After all, it was just lunch with May- bubbly, enthusiastic, cheerful May. What had gone wrong? Could I have- No.

I'm over thinking this, aren't I… There's nothing I can do. Nothing I can say or do will fix this, fix her problems. I wish that I could, but wishes aren't going to do anything for her. They've never done anything for either of us.

As I look at her here, her eyes shut, palms up, hair splayed across her pillow, there's a lot I don't understand. I'm not going to bother her, though. She deserves to relax, she's been through too much today.

When I turn to leave, though, something stops me. She's woken up- she's smiling at me, drowsy, but still awake. Lily's heard my unsaid apology- the one we both know is as sincere as it is useless.

"It's okay. Thank May for me, would you?"

"Is she going to be okay?"

May's voice is tainted with worry. Her hands are clasped shut, her fingers making indents like crescent moons in her palms. The light in her eyes is barely caught, illuminating her so that I could finally, really, stop and see her.

Hazel hair is ruffled, sticking up to the left where she'd been helping hold Lily up, and her eyes- God, how had I gone so long without seeing her eyes? – seem alert, perfectly calm, a surprising feat after the long day we've had. Red-tinted lips turn up in a half smile as she catches the slight grin that I didn't notice happening. Clothes ruffled, posture slumped, she still seems so perfect that I can feel myself losing control. Subconsciously, my hand rests above my heart, the slight indent of an engraved ring meeting my fingers.

The startling extent of her smile unfurled, and I can't help but wanting to laugh with her, even though part of me still wants to cry. My feet move on their own account, stopping the rest of me in front of May. I leaned forward, taking her in. Every detail, every breath, every shadow of light catching in the smooth lines of her profile. Everything.

Something inside of me is moving, pressing to see her, make May as real as I know she is. It's a part of me that's paranoid- even though I know she won't leave, even though I know she isn't going to hurt me the way so many others have before they did, I need this. I need to lean in and be able to see and feel her for all that she is, an entire being, a living human of flesh and blood, trembling, breathing, alive. As I see her, really, truly see her, I can only just stop myself from crying.

_You love her don't you?_

I'm shuddering, shattering, recoiling as my heart implodes. I can hear her May calling me, over and over, but it's too late and I'm too far gone to answer. I wasn't trying to make her real. No, May was real- all too real, she was going to hurt me, she was going to break me, she was going to kill me- but I wasn't. If the way I feel (can I really feel at all?) is any indication, I'm nothing to this world but a virus. I'm not needed, I'm not wanted, and I'm not required. I'm nothing. Nothing.

Saltwater streams down my face, drying like bruises, my own fingers tightening in my hair as my knees start to coil into my chest, protective and destructive. I can't love May, I can't. I don't want her to go away! Flashes of people that I've left behind are cutting into me like glass against skin, biting as though I'm their prey. Lily, small and yet strong, a small child with ink black hair and violet eyes, frail and intimidating, and suddenly all I can see is them- my friends, my family, my guardians and my past, they're all running against the surface of my mind like a blade, ready to destroy what's left of me.

_Drew? It's okay now. It's all going to be okay. We're here. We'll take care of you._

No, it's not okay. You can't take care of me anymore. As much as that scares me, I think… I'll learn to deal with it. I have to. I'm not as weak as I let myself be. Please, wherever you are right now- I'll be okay. I know it.

Softly, I can just feel her smile. It's a sad smile, a smile that tells me she's going to go away, that she's never coming back, but this time I don't stop her. Sometimes, we all have to say goodbye. I'll miss you.

She's gone. I'm the only one in my mind, and for a moment I wish she was back. Things are lonely without her, but all the same I know it's better this way. Luna doesn't need me to survive- and I didn't need her now. It was all going to be okay.

Really, truly, it's all going to be okay.

* * *

"Drew? Drew? Oh God, please, please be okay, Drew! Drew?"

His knees are relaxing. Drew's body is uncoiling, his head is coming up, eyes rolling forward, drunkenly focusing on me. With a trembling hand, he reaches out to me, and I'm not sure he knows what he's doing. I don't know, I don't care. He needs me. For once, and perhaps only once, he's willing to admit he needs me. As his hand meets mine, tugging gently, I tug myself down, curl up next to him, his head resting on my shoulder. His nose presses into my shoulder, an almost inaudible plea coming from his lips. "Stay."

For only the second time today, I feel myself smiling.

"I will."

* * *

_Saying goodbye is never easy._

_Sometimes, saying goodbye to someone can mean you'll never see them again, that every tie between the two of you besides living has been slit. That the two you are alone, isolate to each other for the rest of your lives. That's not the truth, though. Not really._

_Saying goodbye is like closing a book before its last chapter. You'll find the ending soon enough, don't worry. As hard as it seems now, it'll be something you can look back on and remember. It's one thing the two of you will share._

_You're not apart- not really. What once was and what now is is all relative. That's not what matters._

_What matter is that the two of you, whether you are lovers or enemies, classmates or friends, you're not ever alone. You're a part of someone else, bonded by memories the two of you will someday remember._

_When all else changes, that is the one thing that stays permanent. Above all else, don't forget. Never forget. You exist. To somebody, somewhere, you exist. _


End file.
